Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
