Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
