yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
