my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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