all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize