Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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