You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she peed on how many people?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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