your parents love me but you hate me
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
