She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
