No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
