I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
