I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
