Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize