you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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