Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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