Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
