I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
