I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
