Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize