I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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