i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
is wine microwaveable?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
