every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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