my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
