I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
