I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
