we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
