Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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