Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
