i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize