Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
