He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
