Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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