I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
