Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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