After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
