her vagine was all disorganized.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
