dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
