no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize