I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
