During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
