somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
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