he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize