It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
