i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She bit a glass in half.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
there is puke in my bra ... again
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
