I'm so fucking centered right now
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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