its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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