I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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