I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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