Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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