I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize