are you still at the devil's house?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
