they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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