Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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