I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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