Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
