I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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