I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
