had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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