I'm really into asian looking animals
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
