If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
