goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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