Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Randomize
