Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
