he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
