i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
