babies were throwing up all over the place
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
