Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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