Sorry, I don't speak sober.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
lol hangovers are for mortals.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
