brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
