Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The best revenge is premature balding
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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