her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
