I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
