we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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