I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
