I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize