I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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