You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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