VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
