At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
