STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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