It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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