Old men and throwing up are my life now.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
