saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
