whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
