the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you would pick up someone in the library
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
