you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
