Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
