isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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