So drunk its hurt
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
