Sry I called you an 8
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you would pick up someone in the library
someone owes me an orgasm
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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