So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
