we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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