I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
